For spouses with different history

I would assume there is almost always a disparity in sexual history between spouses.  Perhaps, in some cases, the history is similar, and maybe this makes things easier! But for couples who have different sexual history, the differences can stand in the way of the freedom of intimacy that should occur in marriage.

For both parties, it is important to recognize potential struggles and counter these mindsets with truth.

The spouse with a more complicated sexual history may struggle with:

• Excessive feelings of guilt before God or spouse for sins that have been repented of and forgiven. 
• Haunting memories of engaging with past sins, or even a temptation to compare spouse to past partners.
• Tendency to think of oneself as "unworthy" to be with their spouse, in a way that hinders intimacy. 

This partner needs to REMEMBER:

• There is freedom in the forgiveness of God, who has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west. (Psalm 103:12)
• The picture of sanctification is leaving what's behind and pressing forward for the prize of Christ. (Philippians 3:13)
• We all stand equal before God, in need of his boundless mercy and grace. (Romans 3:10)

The spouse with a less complicated sexual history may struggle with:

• Tendency to fixate on their spouse's past and use it to hurt spouse or self. 
• Excessively criticizing oneself in regards to unrealistic standards. 
• Losing sight of God's present work in their spouse's life. 

This partner needs to REMEMBER:

• Marriage was created as a picture of Christ and the Church, first and foremost-- not a flawless human love story. (Ephesians 5:23) 
• Praying for one's spouse is efficacious and loving. (James 5:16)
• Fixation of our minds on what is true and lovely plays a large part in having a peaceful heart. (Philippians 4:8)

These reminders (for both spouses!) all occur in conjunction with each and every persons' desperate need to sit and stare daily at the glory of God, and have him truly be our God, without competition.  Where idolatry occurs, we cannot love our spouses well.  No one is God but God.

I was reading Song of Solomon the other day and reflecting on how single-minded Solomon and his bride were as they exulted in each other's love (and this in the context of the king most famous for his many wives and concubines!).  A sexual history may shape the life story of one or both spouses in any number of ways, but the intimacy between them in marriage can be as pure as ever when truth acts to set them free and grace reigns.