They say: "marriage is hard." You say: "I knooow, but..."

I found this statement simply so unhelpful when we were engaged:

"Marriage is the best thing, but it's also the hardest thing ever."

How on EARTH was I supposed to mentally prepare myself for the "best and hardest thing ever"?

Well, guess what.

Now that we've been married a year, and I've got other friends getting engaged and planning their weddings, I've found a similar sentence on the tip of my tongue.  How can I convey both the lovely security and intimacy of having a spouse, and the depth of pain when that spouse fails Christ and you?  I have simultaneously never loved anyone or anything that God has given me as much as I love my husband, and have never felt as deep of pain as I have in this relationship.

In this regard, marriage is extreme.  Extreme depth of love, extreme depth of trust, extreme depth of betrayal of trust, extreme depth of pain, extreme depth of joy, extreme depth of intimacy, extreme depth of unity.

So, they say, "Marriage is hard." You say, "I knooow, but how do I prepare myself for that?"

(or, if you're me...)

I say to myself, "Marriage is hard." And then I ask myself, "How do I prepare for a lifetime of something so worthwhile but difficult?"

The best preparation for marriage can't happen in the absence of studying God.  It can seem tempting to let your time be consumed with reading all the books about marriage, biblical manhood and womanhood, the role of a wife, etc. There are many good books on these subjects, books I would recommend, books I will re-read.  However, in the absence of studying God digging into and applying the principles of these books can become little more than behavior modification.  And the trouble with behavior modification, unrooted, is that it doesn't stick.  So you, and I, can put the other books on hold until a daily pattern of seeking God himself is established.

The best preparation for marriage doesn't happen in a vacuum.  We are not blazing a brand new trail here, people! There are people all around us who have both learned the wise way and the hard way who can tell us all about it. We are best prepared when we don't assume that we can figure it out on our own, but go to wise folks with our questions and burdens.  This is the place for both encouragement and practical help! And something I am truly thankful for.

Our first anniversary is this Friday, and I'm super excited.  We've completed a whole married year of tears, laughter, learning, and growth.  I am tempted to hope that it calms down from here on out, but that desire is rooted in wanting comfort more than I want God's glory.  So instead I will hope and pray for continued growth.  If we can get another 365 days from now and say that we truly grew - grew in worship of our God, grew in obedience, grew in love for each other, grew in victory over sin, grew in service, grew in gentleness, grew in trust - if we can say we grew in the Lord at all, it will be another year totally worth it!