Confession #12: God's teaching me through pain

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; 

great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. 

Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; 

let him put his mouth in the dust --

there may yet be hope;

let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,

and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cast off forever, 

but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion

according to the abundance of his steadfast love;

for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men. 

Lamentations 3: 22-33

God's mercies are new every morning has been a refrain in my head these last few days, maybe this whole week.  I've been going on "prayer walks" early each day to make sure I am awake and attentive when I am talking to God (instead of in a sleepy daze as I tend to be if I stay in bed).  Being outside and looking at the sky causes me to think that God is GLORIOUS and because the sky is never the same twice I'm reminded that God's mercies are new every morning.  

But that phrase took on a different meaning even THIS morning as I look back on the events of the last 48 hours, which included:

A wonderful Labor Day full of adventuring with friends and swimming at Pace Bend Park

A little bit of a stomach ache before bed (I thought I was just REALLY tired)

Going to bed early at 9pm

Waking up at midnight in intense pain and throwing up repeatedly until almost 3am

Deciding to take myself to the ER, even though I wasn't sure if I was overreacting

ER docs diagnosing a kidney stone and discharging me

Some fear and tears over a life dealing with kidney stones (my mom gets them too)

Awesome boyfriend getting off work early to come take care of me

Urologist doing a CT scan and figuring out the stone was half the size we originally though (yay), that I don't have an infection (double yay), and that it's super close to passing (triple yay)

Rest (no work or externship)

TLC from family and friends (even if just over the phone!)

A couple of walks to look at the sky and say THANK YOU GOD for your mercies

In the midst of something that many women say is as painful as childbirth, I am SO GRATEFUL that my pain now is in a manageable place.  I'm so grateful to have gone to hospitals that took my parents' insurance.  I'm so grateful this is something that you're allowed to be active and move around with and bed rest is not necessarily recommended.

I'm GRATEFUL that God provided me with a church family and more people who have said "let me know if you need anything!" than I will ever really need things from.  I'm grateful to have a boyfriend and a roommate who were both willing to pause their lives to help me get medication and go to doctors appointments.  I'm grateful for the prayers of these people. 

I'm grateful that the stone wasn't as bad as it COULD have been, that I don't have an infection, and that I'm close to passing it or even may have already passed it. I'm grateful to have experienced this so that I can be a help to others who experience it.  I'm grateful because I know God is using this to grow my compassion for people and my understanding of what its like to encounter pain (which I haven't dealt with much quite yet).  

I read Scripture like Lamentations 3 and I know that God does not put me (or anyone else) through things with a malicious heart, but with intention and purpose as is aligned with his steadfast love and faithfulness. I've said, "here's my life God, do with it what you will!" and that doesn't change for anything.  These new mercies that I'm seeing from God -- all those things I mentioned I'm grateful for -- are something I would not have seen in this way if it hadn't been for this kidney stone. 

So, whether this is my only kidney stone or the beginning of many to come, I praise the LORD, my portion.  I will hope in him.